


I'm Going To Have To Ask You To Leave, Sir

by sleepymccoy



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Flirting, Fluff, Kissing, M/M, Pretending Not To Be Dating, background character death but no one from the podcast i just needed a death to get kravitz involved, emotions later but they skim over it cos kravitz is on the clock, kravitz keeps trying not to laugh, taako cops a feel at one point
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-06
Updated: 2018-02-06
Packaged: 2019-03-14 16:05:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13593609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepymccoy/pseuds/sleepymccoy
Summary: Taako is off doing his grocery shopping when he overhears a mild commotion at the counter. The shop owner is having a less than pleasant conversation with a reaper. A familiar reaper. A flirt-worthy reaper. Taako interrupts Kravitz at work





	I'm Going To Have To Ask You To Leave, Sir

Taako was cheerfully poking through the latest display at one of his favourite stores. Berthda, the owner, changed the main display every week or two. She would skive off to a different corner of the earth fairly often, closing the store for days at a time without warning, and come back with magics, food, and souvenirs to keep her shop fresh. This week's trip had clearly been to an ocean, there was a lot of seaweed. Taako could make sushi.

 

Taako was wearing a new shirt, it was intentionally oversized and sheer, so his silhouette was visible through the thin weave and the light flowing fabric moved around him perfectly. It did take some attention to not get it caught on anything and as he threw some caviar in his basket his sleeve knocked a large jar of Berthda’s bread yeast. He kicked his foot out, trying to stop the jar before it hit the ground and shattered. He caught it successfully and knelt, setting it back up against the wall. He stilled for a moment and listened closely for any sign that his stumble had been noticed. 

 

He could hear someone talking at the counter, but he couldn't make out the words. As he listened Berthda responded, her tone far more panicked than Taako expected. He stood up carefully, walking around the end of the aisle to get a look at the situation.

 

Berthda was behind the counter. Her hands spread on the table, shaking slightly, her face pale. Across from her, facing away from Taako, was Kravitz. 

 

Kravitz was at work today, he'd said there were no outstanding bounties but he had a small collection of preemptive warnings. He clearly didn't know Takko was in the shop, he didn't like to mix work and pleasure so he wouldn't come here if he'd known Taako was around. 

 

Taako could leave, he could walk out the door and let Kravitz do his job. He'd be able to tease him tonight, get himself some brownie points for leaving Kravitz be. But if Kravitz did have a bounty out, if this wasn't just a first warning visit, well, Berthda made fantastic pasta and Taako didn't want to lose that.

 

He walked over to the counter. “Hey Bangles, this thug bothering you?” He asked Berthda.

 

Kravitz’ neck actually cracked as he turned to face Taako, his shock blatant. Taako smiled at him innocently, clearly overjoyed, then turned to Berthda. “Oh, Mr. Taaco, I am particularly pleased to see you today,” Berthda breathed.

 

“It's good to see you too, bubeleh,” Taako said. Kravitz did his job well, Berthda was a tough gnome but she was shook. He turned to Kravitz, who had moved past his surprise and onto confusion and annoyance. “And what are you doing in my pasta shop?” Taako asked, trying to hide the lilt of amusement in his tone.

 

Kravitz furrowed his brow, then realisation dawned as he figured out that Taako actually wasn't here to fuck with him, he was doing his grocery rounds. “This-” he interrupted himself, stopping whatever he was going to say. He raised his head, his expression slipping back into a blank air of superiority. “Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave,” he said, his accent coming out in full force. 

 

“Nah,” Taako said flippantly. He saw Kravitz frown again. He briefly wondered if Kravitz would actually treat him like a stranger and just knock him out, but decided that whatever happened Kravitz wouldn't actually hurt him, so it was worth messing with him for a while on Berthda’s behalf. “What's happenin’? What's the sitch?” He asked, looking between Berthda and Kravitz.

 

“I think this man is here to hurt me,” Berthda whispered. 

 

Taako glared at Kravitz. Berthda was one of his favourite shop owners, after the day of Story and Song she had simply thanked him for his service to the world, given him a tray of cupcakes and a discount on his purchase, then treated him perfectly normally since. She knew what he liked to eat and made food to order, but she did that for all her regulars. Taako liked to be special and adored, but his weekly shopping run wasn't that place for that and he enjoyed the casual and friendly atmosphere Berthda brought about. He was comfortable in this shop. And now his boyfriend was here unknowingly fucking with that vibe.

 

“If I fight him can I get a lifetime supply of free pasta?” Taako asked. Berthda choked, her upset mood not ready to chuckle. She shook her head. Taako respected that, she'd die before giving up her pasta for free, apparently. Hard core.

 

“I'm not here to hurt Berthda, I just need to talk, I swear,” Kravitz said softly, clearly realising that Taako was edging ever closer to taking this seriously.

 

Taako turned around, the mass of fabric he was in spinning and hitting Kravitz’s robe. He leant against the counter, squeezing himself between Kravitz and Berthda, pressing against Kravitz’s side. Kravitz shuffled back to give him room, but not before Taako took the chance to run his hand down his abdomen, pressing his fingers fliritly against his hip. “I don't know, homie, this is pretty fucking sketch,” Taako said, waving his hands as he spoke, enjoying the way his shirt flowed. “You're here all threatening and smelling like burnt toads in her private business, scaring off the lesser customers. Besides, let me win and I'll give you half my pasta, what's your address?”

 

“Sir-” Kravitz started to say.

 

“Where'd you pick that accent up?” Taako interrupted.

 

“I-”

 

Taako continued like he couldn't tell that Kravitz was trying to get a word in. “Cos it's pretty hot, not gonna lie, if you tried flirting I'd probably go easy on you there. Bit of bedroom eyes, throw me a wink, we'll see where the fight takes us.” He paused, Kravitz was staring at him, bemused. “Are you single?”

 

Kravitz was quiet for a beat. Then, “No,” he said.

 

“Bit frosty, all right,” Taako said. Kravitz out his hand on Taakos arm, pushing him gently to the side. Taako let himself be led, moving back around to face Berthda again as he spoke. “And just straight up cold,” he said with feigned surprise, touching his arm where Kravitz had put his hand. “What, were you lurking in her fridge until the store was empty? Well, you mistimed that, didn't you, I got papz following me for a shot of this sweetness, you can't spot me with any old detect persons magic.”

 

Kravitz looked at him, understanding clear on his face, and a smidge of sympathy. Taako only cast disguise self if he didn't want to be followed and watched by fans. More often than not he was perfectly happy to interact with some adoring public, but on days that he didn't want to he really didn't want to. Kravitz moved his hand over to Taako's, the movement was hidden by the counter so Berthda didn't see, and slipped his fingers between Taako's.

 

“I'm here for work, will you let me conduct my business with Berthda,” Kravitz asked softly. Taako frowned, he really wasn't committing to the bit, he was being too honest and clear.

 

“In a tick, black on black on sexy,” Taako said lightly. He squeezed Kravitz’ hand then dropped it, facing Berthda. “Bettie-” he began.

 

“Berthda,” She corrected.

 

“Barn owl,” Taako continued, “This guy's clearly a reaper, what'd you do?”

 

“Nothing, I swear it,” Berthda said sincerely. Well, Taako was yet to see Kravitz fuck up at work, so while it was infinitely more likely that Berthda was lying he really hoped it was a misunderstanding and Kravitz would have to eat it. That would make for a fantastic story for Lup and Merle.

 

Kravitz sighed, rolling his eyes. “Fine,” he said, exasperated. “Berthda McFallon, this is a formal warning from the Astral plane, I speak on behalf of the Raven Queen. We are aware of the four owls and three cats you have reanimated, while this crime does not warrant your death it does draw our attentions. Any further imbalance of the natural courses will cause my return and likely your death and incarceration in The Eternal Stockade-”

 

Taako interrupted. “You raised owls? Why, penne-babe?”

 

Berthda harrumphed, her worry leaving her as it became clear that Kravitz wasn't here for her soul. “It wasn't my first choice,” she said, admitting to it far more easily than Taako expected. “You remember Old Fella Georg?” She asked.

 

Taako remembered him, entertaining guy, he was an old gnome who hung out by the well and insulted Taako's outfits. “No,” Taako said.

 

“Well he died last month, and he took with him the best damn carbonara recipe I've ever had and I wanted to talk to him and get it off him.”

 

Kravitz leant forward, his accent slipping in his surprise. “You did this for a pasta sauce?”

 

Taako threw himself back, peals of mirth escaping. “Oh, amazing.” He said through his laughter. He laughed for a few more moments, then returned to the counter. Kravitz was watching him fondly, smiling at his extreme humour. “That's amazing,” he repeated. “Honey, that's the best reason, you gotta let her talk to this old joe guy. A woman after my own damn heart, what a champion move, I love you, Bangladesh.”

 

Kravitz waited for Taako to calm down, then wiped his smile and glared at Berthda, shaking his head. “No more necromancy,” he said sternly.

 

“Alright,” she groaned.

 

“And I re killed your owls and cats,” Kravitz said.

 

“Fine.”

 

They were quiet for a beat, Berthda and Kravitz watching each other for signs of weakness. Taako was busy picking a piece of dirt out from under his fingernail, still chuckling. He got it out and looked up at Kravitz. “Can I give you my number?” He asked.

 

Kravitz grinned, his face lighting up for a moment before he wiped it off. “For fucks sake, Taako,” he said, forced exasperation failing to cover his amusement. 

 

“Oh you so want my number, you're gagging for it,” Taako said joyfully. Kravitz looked at him, apparently unimpressed if not for the gleam in his eyes. He turned and left, not looking back at Taako. The bell above the door jangled happily as it closed behind him. 

 

Seeing as Kravitz hadn't simply opened a portal and returned to the Astral plane, he was almost certainly waiting on the other side of that door for Taako.

 

“Yeah I'm gonna go give him my number,” Taako said for Berthda’s benefit and left, following Kravitz. She just watched him, dumbfounded.

 

“Before you start,” Taako said as he left the shop, finding Kravitz exactly where he’d expected. “I wasn’t sure if you were there to smite her or not, and she makes that pumpkin ravioli you're so into, so really I think you should thank me for getting involved, really, because I saved you from that thunder train of regret that was barrelling towards ya.”

 

Kravitz had dropped the smokey robe look and was wearing his usual suit without the jacket and his sleeves rolled up in reference to the heat of the day. Kravitz, of course, couldn’t feel the temperature but Taako had gotten tired of sympathetically overheating when Kravitz rocked up in the scorching heat in a full three piece, so Kravitz adjusted his clothing to mock comfort. He stood up, pushing off the tree he'd been leaning on and walked to Taako. Taako was, honestly, a little concerned that he was going to get told off. He didn’t think he’d overstepped, but he had misread these things before and he wasn’t sure if Kravitz was alright with him interrupting him at work.

 

Kravitz grinned and Taako felt his body relax. He saw Kravitz watch him, he knew Kravitz could tell he had been worried, but he didn’t mention it. He was more tactful than Taako that way. “She makes the ravioli?” Kravitz asked as he took Taako’s hand, walking them down the street.

 

“Yeah, she’s good at it, isn’t she?” Taako said happily.

 

“I thought you made that?”

 

“I make the spinach one. And I do the sauce for the pumpkin.”

 

Kravitz hummed. “Maybe I'm dating the wrong mortal,” he said lightly. 

 

Before Taako had a chance to process that, Kravitz had pulled him close for a hug and by the time Taako figured out what he'd said Kravitz had his lips on Taako's cheek.

 

Taako laughed, pushing him off. “Fuck you,” he cried, batting Kravitz’ repeat attempts to kiss him away. “Goddamned shallow bitch,” Taako muttered.

 

Kravitz stepped back and gave Taako a moment to get his clothes to sit right again before offering him his arm. Taako considered punishing Kravitz for his comment but decided that he didn't want to waste their brief time together on that and took his arm, walking aimlessly down the street again.

 

“You gotta get back?” Taako asked.

 

“Pretty soon, yeah,” Kravitz said. 

 

They strolled calmly, Taako filling the moment with descriptions of his plans for dinner. They came to the middle of town where the well was, where Old Fella Georg used to sit. Taako trailed off, looking at the well sadly.

 

Taako felt Kravitz’ curious eyes on him and turned, steering them towards the park snd away from the well. “Shit news about Georg, though, I was wondering what had happened to him,” Taako said.

 

“I thought you didn't remember him?” Kravitz asked softly 

 

Taako went quiet. They reached a park bench and stopped, letting go of each others hands. ‘I’m Taako,” Taako said, forcing the spark of excitable happiness into his voice that was classic to him. “T, Taako, flighty, mysterious, from tv, I don’t know local faces and names.” 

 

Kravitz sat on the bench, looking up at him quietly. Taako smiled, his voice relaxing as he started to be more honest. “Certainly don’t particularly remember the old guy who gave me shit for wearing a flowy skirt on a windy day, as if I don’t know exactly what I’m doing there,” he said proudly. 

 

Kravitz watched him for another beat, then shifted the topic. “You do know how to put an outfit together. What is this item called? It's hot.” Kravitz blushed a little when he said Taako's clothing was hot. Taako had wondered for a while if Kravitz’ blush was intentionally crafted, but the amount of times it appeared when he clearly didn't want it disproved that. Taako loved his blush.

 

Taako flapped his arms, making the mass of light fabric move freely. “It’s just a big shirt, really, it’s fun,” he said. He sat on the bench next to Kravitz, settling in close to him. “How much longer?”

 

“I shouldn't be here now, I've completed my purpose. But I wanted to say-” he paused, taking Taako's hands. Taako leaned forward, distantly amazing by how unworried he was. That was awful close to a  _ we need to talk _ line but Taako was calm and trusted his relationship. It was wild. Kravitz kissed his knuckles, then one of his hands slipped behind Taako's neck, pulling him in for a chaste kiss. “You've such a good heart,” Kravitz murmured. 

 

Taako leaned in again, kissing him partly to kiss him and partly to buy himself a moment to calm down. No need to blush on a public park bench like Kravitz.

 

Too soon, Kravitz stopped the kiss. “I do need to go, love,” he said.

 

Taako nodded, letting his hands slide out of Kravitz’ grip. “I'll see you tonight, kitten?”

 

Kravitz nodded and kissed his nose while he summoned his scythe. He stood up and stepped smoothly into his quickly crafted portal, leaving. 

 

Taako sat back and watched the park for a few moments. It quickly grew dull without Kravitz, so he stood and returned to his shopping trip. And to take credit with Berthda for scaring off the frightening Reaper.

**Author's Note:**

> I drew a picture of Taako in his big shirt, here's a link if you're curious http://sleepymccoy.tumblr.com/post/170573123054/picture-of-taako-in-a-big-ass-shirt-cos-i-wanted


End file.
